


The tale of a lost heart

by himarichibi



Category: Heavens official blessing, 天官赐福 - 墨香铜臭 | Tiān Guān Cì Fú - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Character Study, First of all I'M SO SORRY, Kinda?, M/M, Prompt Fic, bc hiyu's thread made me emotional, but I had to write this, uh how do i tag, wu ming feels, wulian rights!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-29
Updated: 2020-01-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:41:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22468810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/himarichibi/pseuds/himarichibi
Summary: A storm is coming and Xie Lian finds a shelter in his own memories(written full of feels bc of threads on twitter about Wu Ming being Xie Lian's first love HIT HARD)
Relationships: Huā Chéng/Xiè Lián
Comments: 12
Kudos: 108





	The tale of a lost heart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hiyuwu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hiyuwu/gifts).



> Okay so first I'd like to send you to [this thread](https://twitter.com/kyungsooful/status/1222318078534520833) and hiyu's tweets here [here](https://twitter.com/criesatwenning/status/1222227228932673538) because those are the ones that truly inspired me (made me cry) and I just had to write this fic (and cry more)...
> 
> Sigh, I really hope I managed to convey all the emotions i wanted and I deeply apologise for any mistakes I could make during writing :< Well, I hope you'll enjoy it anyway. Wulian rights!
> 
> WARNING  
> Xie Lian for most of this fic is described as "the man", no names mentioned (don't talk to him, he angy). It's something I used intentionally (it made sense in my head with my concept, you'll see) but if it bothers you then I'm sorry ;;

It was cold.

A lonely figure travelled the mountain path, a man dressed in dirty robes and a bamboo hat. He seemed poor and weak, so no one even bothered looking at him for too long. He wasn’t a good prey neither for animals nor humans that could maybe use his belongins to get some money. But who would want them? The man didn’t even have anything valuable on his person, his dirty rags he called clothes were worth nothing and whatever was in his bag smelled terrible. Besides… winter was approaching fast and everyone in their right mind decided to find a shelter for the night, leaving the mad man alone. If he wanted to die so much then let him, they said.

"Ah, it’s really getting colder,” the man sighed as he tried to keep his bamboo hat on his head, the wind growing stronger with each passing moment. Cold. Merciless. Freezing.

He didn’t feel it, of course, with years growing immune to the thought of an actual cold, but he could tell from the way his body shivered as he looked at the white coat covering the ground. First snow, hm? Ah it had been so long since he actually noticed the first snow, usually being too busy with trying to find food, shelter or just, well, survive. He also was way too old now for going to the top floor of the palace, wrapped in blankets and surrounded by pillows to watch how small sparkling stars made the world even more beautiful. He sighed once again. Oh, he really was getting old. Just like his memories, fading away, turning black and white, faces and voices forgotten. Time was just like this wind – unforgiving.

He could also tell it was cold from they way his patched up who knows how many times robes were turning slowly more and more wet because of snowflakes melting from his body heat. Slowly. Very slowly. Because his body wasn’t as warm as it used to. Neither was his smile. But no one cared anyway. No one was here to watch. No one to call him-

“Hm, I guess we should find somewhere to spend the night...” the man spoke up again and if anyone heard him, they’d for sure think he was crazy. After all… who talked to themselves? But it seemed that this one wouldn’t even bother with glances or whispers that would wait for him if he did something like that in public. He learned to ignore the cold wind, yes, but also people’s cold stares. It still stung, but he’d soon learn to ignore that feeling too. He could break or destroy many things, lose friends, loved ones, believers, shatter a precious trust… but this one thing, forgetting, he was actually good at it. 

No one knew though, because no one asked and no one ever would, that this man wasn’t alone. His companion was now swaying in the air, trying to fight the wind as it looked for a place they’d be able to sleep in. It wasn’t uncommon for them to sleep on the ground but today… the storm was coming.

“Ruoye, come back, you’ll get lost,” the man called out gently.

He looked up, watching an evening sky. There were dark clouds ahead, coming closer with each passing moment, the falling snow and strong wind being only a beginning of something much worse. Well, he could work with this too, just find a good place to stand somehow stable and wait for it to end, hoping his bag of scraps would be okay. A strong tug on his arm cut him out of his train of thoughts though. He looked in the direction his companion showed him and his eyes widened. Was it actually a cave? Maybe his luck wasn’t that bad after all! Huh, it could always be some animals’ home and he’d have to leave… Nothing could stop him from trying anyway.

He carefully inspected the cave but it seemed like it was empty, so he just nodded with a satisfied smile and sat down, placing his bag carefully next to him. His companion, demonic weapon, white silk called Ruoye, brushed his cheek for goodnight before it came back to its place on the man’s wrist. It was their own small ritual and the only affection or gentleness the man could get ever since… Ever since he lost _him_.

The man sighed and closed his eyes, listening to the howling wind outside. Everyone lost somebody, it was nothing strange but… but it was his fault that _he_ died. Wu Ming. The man learned to ignore the cold, but he could never forgive himself for the coldness of his own heart back then. How many things could have been different between them if only he’d let himself see. But he didn’t. And that would be his constant regret, another disaster to add to his infamous collection.

The man brought his hand up to brush against the silk wrapped around his neck under which a cursed collar was hidden. His face twisted in a grimace that was neither a smile nor a frown, but something caught in between a melancholy and anger. He could have had so much but now was left alone, holding on memories. These ones he would never forget.

He remembered the soft voice Wu Ming always spoke to him, not the screams that haunted his dreams or whispers of disdain following wherever he went.

He remembered Wu Ming’s comforting presence behind him, always walking within a respectful distance but not too far, not the terrifying emptiness that he had for a friend now.

He remembered how tender towards him Wu Ming was, not how the people in the temple ripped his body and soul with White No Face’s sword to the point he didn’t want anything but death even if it never came.

With Wu Ming, strange to realise it now, he never wanted to die. He was blind, he was obsessed with revenge, but he didn’t want to die. It was an unusual thought, but the man had a feeling that Wu Ming somehow knew what was on his mind, he knew how to tell if it was just a rain or tears falling down his face, he knew that under the twisted mask of calm demeanor was someone who longed for just a bit of understanding, for a moment when he didn’t have to be strong, for a moment when he could just show what he really felt inside. And Wu Ming understood. It was the man himself who didn’t. Until now.

Xie Lian finally smiled lightly, something he didn’t allow himself do for such a long time. Not honestly, at least. Because maybe, just maybe, some day he’d be able to forgive himself for what he did. But now… he had a spark of hope. The memories keeping him alive and warm through the night. Wu Ming died protecting him, so Xie Lian will protect the memory of a person he carried in his heart. Because before someone can bask in the sunrise, they have to survive in the dark. And his nameless soldier… he helped him survive much more than that.


End file.
